


rain

by insanelycooljk



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, I need to know how to fix things, Jared is sad, Jared needs a hug, Just be careful children, Musical did not happen, Plz report any problems thank u, Probably ooc, So is evan, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide attempt discussion, This was written for an English assignment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 08:11:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14184651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insanelycooljk/pseuds/insanelycooljk
Summary: When Jared Kleinman was born, it rained.His mom tells him all the time about how the sky burst open and the rain fell; how the thunder clapped and the lightning flashed. She tells him all the time about how it rained and rained for days on end, and how Jared would reach up towards the sky like he wanted to fly up there. She tells him all the time about how his clear blue eyes would light up and he would laugh as the thunder rattled the house around them.When Jared was born, it rained and rained and rained, and to him it feels like it never stopped.





	rain

When Jared Kleinman was born, it rained.  
His mom tells him all the time about how the sky burst open and the rain fell; how the thunder clapped and the lightning flashed. She tells him all the time about how it rained and rained for days on end, and how Jared would reach up towards the sky like he wanted to fly up there. She tells him all the time about how his clear blue eyes would light up and he would laugh as the thunder rattled the house around them.  
When Jared was born, it rained and rained and rained, and to him it feels like it never stopped.  
His dad left before he was born, and his mother works hard to feed the two of them. They live a pretty average life, but Jared doesn’t have many friends and he’s often lonely. He’s semi-popular at school – throughout the years he’s made a few acquaintances – but people either tolerate him or think he’s the scum of the earth and the most annoying thing to happen to them. He does pretty well in school and his mother is very proud of him, like any average single mother, and he behaves like your typical only child would.  
But Jared is not a typical child.  
Every year on his birthday, it rains. Jared doesn’t mind – he loves the rain and the thunderstorms that accompany them, but his birthday is not the only day it rains – it pours when he’s sad, the thunder booms when he’s angry, and the lightning strikes when he’s reached his absolute limit.  
Jared has read up on his kind – a rare breed of people whose emotions can affect the weather. His doesn’t think his town would mind if they knew – they live in a place where the weather would be temperamental anyway, and besides, Jared’s never hurt anyone. But he’s still careful to hide it – he also read up on the many people like him who died in laboratories for the sake of science. Their horror stories torment him in the middle of the night – visions of white walls and confinement and torture until the lightning strikes down and he wakes himself up with his own screaming.  
Thunder booms and lightning flashes and Jared realizes he’s shaking. He brushes away his stupid nightmares and looks outside his rain-spotted window.  
It’s his sixteenth birthday today. He didn’t ask for a party, and he didn’t really want one either. His mom had asked if he had any friends he wanted to spend the day with, and he’d laughed in her face before saying no. She’d stared at him disapprovingly – “Jared, your teachers say you have a lot of friends” – and he’d countered that he didn’t have any who don’t roll their eyes when they see him walking towards them.  
His mother had frowned and asked about Evan.  
And Jared amends that yes, he has one friend – the son of his mother’s best friend, Heidi Hansen - also a single mother and working three jobs to support her son, Evan. They used to be best friends – and Jared would be lying if he said he didn’t still think they were. But they’re family friends. That’s a whole different thing, and both he and Evan know it. Things changed, and Jared got outgoing and Evan retreated into his shell. He’d love to be best friends again, but Evan seems happy with his life in the back row. He seems content to be ‘family friends’, and Jared is always nervous that if he talks to Evan, he’ll realize the same thing everyone else has. Jared is annoying. Jared is a brat. Jared is insensitive. Jared is a freak.  
So, Jared leaves him alone. Jared leaves him alone because Evan started avoiding him in the seventh grade, right about the time the weather started fluctuating along with Jared’s emotions. Jared leaves him alone because he’s afraid that Evan will find out just how horrible of a friend Jared really is.  
But when his mother asked if it would be okay to invite the Hansens, Jared had said yes.  
Boom.  
The loud noise shakes Jared out of his memories, and he looks over towards his bed and the lone figure sitting on it. Evan Hansen flinches for the four hundredth time in five minutes as the thunder shakes the furniture, curling into himself.  
“Dude, you okay?” Jared asks from his window seat. Evan won’t meet his eyes.  
“Yeah. Yes, I’m great, I’m -” Lightning illuminates the outside world, and Evan flinches again. “Fine,” he finishes, very unconvincingly.  
Jared tries not to think that Evan might be scared of him - scared of his storm, that is, in every way, Jared. “Scoot,” he tells Evan, making a waving motion with his hand, standing up and flopping himself down beside Evan without giving him a chance to move. The two shift around until they land in a comfortable position – Evan sitting cross-legged with Jared leaning up against him, limbs sprawled carelessly.  
“Ow,” Evan mutters, carefully extracting his arm out from under Jared’s head.  
“Sorry,” Jared says unapologetically.  
Jared has never been afraid of physical displays of affection. He hugs people all the time, and isn’t averse to using even random strangers as chairs or things to lean against. Evan, on the other hand, will flinch if you breathe in his direction. Jared, through hard work and perseverance, has gotten Evan to be mildly comfortable with his status as Jared’s furniture, but he doesn’t know if Evan will be okay with it now. Now that they’re ‘family friends’.  
Evan gingerly brings his arm up and rests it on Jared’s shoulder, and Jared grins.  
Lightning flashes outside the window. Evan flinches.  
Jared stops smiling, and the rain dies down.  
“Sorry,” Evan says quietly.  
“Why?” Jared asks, although he already knows the answer.  
“For – um.” Evan stutters in his usual fashion. “I don’t like thunderstorms.”  
Jared shakes his head. “They aren’t that scary, dude.”  
Evan nods, and Jared knows he didn’t help. “Sorry.”  
“Stop that.” Evan has a tendency to apologize for everything he does. Jared’s kind of tired of hearing it, especially when there’s nothing to be sorry about.  
“Sor -” Evan swallows his words. “Okay.”  
There’s a horrible, awkward silence.  
“So,” Jared begins. “How’s life?”  
“Okay.” Evan’s answers are short and quiet, like they’ve always been.  
“Good, good.”  
More silence. Evan fiddles with the corner of Jared’s blanket.  
“I, uh –” Jared clears his throat. “You didn’t have to come.”  
Evan stiffens. “Oh, um – I mean, I can leave if -”  
“No!” Jared rushes hurriedly, straightening up. “No, I was just thanking you. I’m glad you came. It’s, uh. It’s been a while.”  
Evan relaxes a fraction of an inch. “Y-yeah. It has.”  
Jared doesn’t know how to interpret that.  
“Are you, are you – doing okay?” Evan still won’t meet his eyes and he chews on his fingernail.  
“Yeah,” Jared says. “You?”  
Evan nods, but Jared can feel his shoulders shaking, like people do when they’re trying not to cry.  
“Um,” Jared says. He was not prepared for Evan to cry. Crying was not on his agenda. “Are you crying?”  
Evan forces out a “No, I’m – I’m good,” which is very obviously a lie, as the words are strangled and barely audible. Jared sits up and twists around, ending up cross-legged in front of Evan.  
“Come on, man.” Jared tries. “You can tell me.”  
Evan gives him a look that clearly says, “Can I?”  
Jared tries his best not to be offended, but lightning flashes and he knows Evan has a point. He’s regarded as the place to go for juicy gossip on everyone in school.  
“I’m fine, really, it’s not – not a big deal.” Another lie and this time it’s followed by a weird whimpering noise. “Sorry,” Evan whispers, digging his sleeve-covered palm into his eye.  
“I promise not to tell,” Jared says, and he wonders if he’s ever sounded so serious in front of Evan before.  
Evan finally looks him in the eye, searching, and maybe there was a little spark of ‘best friend’ still left in there because he swallows hard and takes a deep breath.  
“Connor Murphy – Connor died yesterday.”  
Beat.  
Jared leans back, head reeling, eyes blown wide. That was not what he was expecting to hear. Connor Murphy, the school stoner, the one who hated Jared with a passion and shoved Evan down in the hallway, was dead.  
“How?” Jared asks. And why does Evan care so much? Connor was a jerk to everyone. Then again, Jared was too.  
“Overdose, on – on purpose,” Evan says brokenly, and suddenly it all makes sense.  
“Oh,” Jared says. “Oh.”  
Last summer, Evan fell from the top of a tree and broke his arm. Last summer, Evan told Jared he’d meant to fall and he hadn’t meant to get back up.  
Evan nods, and Jared watches him scrub furiously at his face.  
“I’m sorry,” Jared says, because he can’t think of anything else. “Evan, I’m sorry –”  
“And I mean,” Evan interrupts. “I mean, I met him in the computer lab Wednesday, and I, he got mad, and – what if I, maybe I was the reason –”  
Jared doesn’t let him get any further. “Stop,” he says, thunder crashes, and Evan winces.  
“Sorry.”  
“Stop that too.” Jared pulls Evan’s arms away from his face. “Hey, look at me.”  
Evan does, and a tear falls from his left eye.  
“It wasn’t you. Okay? And maybe I don’t know that for sure,” Jared says, anticipating Evan’s train of thought. “But I know that people don’t just – do that,” he says lamely, “because of one embarrassing interaction. You weren’t the tipping point, either, you said you saw him Wednesday, and yesterday was Friday.”  
Evan looks away, hanging his head. “I should’ve done something, or – or said something –”  
“You couldn’t have known,” Jared says, partially for his own benefit because he’d laughed when Evan said he’d fallen out of a tree – “What are you, an acorn?” – and Jared hadn’t known but he should have.  
“I should have,” Evan says, and Jared pulls him into a hug.  
“Stop that,” he says. “Evan, I’m sorry.”  
And Evan breaks down, quietly, holding in his sobs like he’s afraid someone will hear. Jared rubs his back and quietly panics, because not twelve hours ago he was ignoring Evan in the school hallway and now he’s crying in his arms. This is ‘best friend’ stuff. Jared hadn’t known they were back to being ‘best friends’.  
Outside, the rain picks up.  
“I’m sorry,” Evan chokes out, and tries to pull away. Jared begrudgingly lets him, but keeps one hand on Evan’s knee.  
“Why?” Jared asks, and he knows the answer.  
“It’s your birthday, and – and I know you didn’t – shouldn’t have t-to deal with me, it’s supposed to be a g-good day, for – for you, and we’re not even friends, your mom just invited m-me to be nice, you probably didn’t even want me over - I don’t know – I’m sorry.”  
Evan sniffs miserably and curls his knees into his chest again.  
Jared is now very confused. “You think I didn’t want you over? I thought you didn’t want to come over!” Jared emphasizes the you, and Evan looks up, startled.  
“What? N-no, I - I didn’t - of course I wanted to come over, I just - you don’t talk to me anymore, and, and I didn’t think we were friends, and I miss when we were - not in a desperate way, no -” Evan scrambles to find words, his stuttering worse than usual. “I just, you’re like, my only friend, and I know we aren’t friends, we’re ‘family friends’ but -”  
Jared interrupts with a forceful “Evan,” and the thunder backs him up with a loud crash.  
Evan stops rambling to flinch and looks up at him with wide, watery eyes - face red from embarrassment.  
“I would love to be your friend,” Jared mutters, avoiding Evan’s eyes. Emotions are not his forte. “I’m really sorry, Evan, I thought you were the one drifting away - and, after last year, I should’ve sucked it up and been there for you. And now - I didn’t even know -” Jared stops. “I - I can be a jerk, Evan. But, please? I want to help you, I promise.”  
Lightning flashes.  
Evan winces.  
Jared holds his breath.  
“Thank you,” Evan says, and then he’s launching himself towards Jared. Evan must be really messed up, because he clings to Jared and shakes in his arms, and holds on like if he lets go he’ll be swept away in the storm outside. Like Jared always is.  
Jared hugs him back, carefully at first, then squeezing Evan right as the boy begins to cry again.  
They don’t let go this time. Jared fists his hands in the back of Evan’s shirt, and feels Evan bury his face in his shoulder.  
It’s quiet, but not the horrible silence from before. This silence is broken by the rain and the thunder and Evan’s muffled sobs, and Jared watches the lightning race by.  
“H-happy birthday,” Evan says shakily into his shoulder.  
Jared grins, and thunder booms, and this time Evan doesn’t flinch.


End file.
